Some thoughts on not thinking

Unconditional love is like breathing. As cliche as it may sound, I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for years.

This thought ocurred to me during my Qigong class this week and it dawned on me that I wasn’t really letting myself go and into the flow of the movements. Master Li stopped the class and asked one of the students in the middle of the room to continue doing the movements for the rest of us to see. She was beautiful. She was fully in the moment and put her whole body into it. You could just see it.

I was struck – because I’m embarrassed to let myself be that free in front of a group of people. How great if I could release that self-consciousness? How great it would be not to worry about being laughed at or criticized. This is the ideal place to release those fears and yet I find myself unable to. I am on the brink but cannot quite cross that boundary yet. It’s a little disappointing, but understandable. I’ve lived with this fear almost my entire life. It is familiar, albeit, paralyzing. But still, the unknown is scary. I haven’t let that stop me before though, so I will keep coming back and just try to take it one step at a time.

~ by Robin on April 2, 2009.